Saturday, April 16, 2011


I'm restless tonight.
 Yeah, go on, quote Augustine to me.
I've already done it to myself.

The thing is, having my heart resting in God implies some tangible connection between the two of us.
For me, this 'connection', as it were, is less than tangible.
That is part of the reason for my restlessness.

Another cause of my restlessness is my lack of sanctity. I want to be a Saint. Now.
But, again, impatience is not a virtue.
I just want to do what I ought to do for God - and more! - and I fail so terribly.

Terribly becuase my failure terrifies me.
God, in His infinite justice, terrifies me.
I do not deserve to still be alive, I do not deserve to know of Him, I do not deserve to raise my eyes Heavenward.
It is in His power to stop these things. Indeed, His justice would seem to demand it.

But I live. I know of Him. I can still cry out in prayer.

I can only draw one conclusion from this: that my God is one of utmost Mercy.
"I remember two things very clearly: I'm a great sinner and Christ is a great Saviour." - the character John Newton in Amazing Grace (2006)
Deo Gratias!

I want to serve, though. I want to be a profitable servant to my God.
I am anything but that.
Yet He chose do die for me.
θεὸς ἀγάπη ἐστίν.
Deus caritas est.
 God is charity, God is love.

That's why.

Now all I need to do is to remember this.


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